Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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