dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
