she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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