My sheets look like a crime scene.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
