So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
