I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
