I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
