My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
