I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
