It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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