now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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