well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
40s are totally the cure
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
