Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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