just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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