You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
