i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
