Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
