We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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