Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
