Kiss
Puke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
