I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
