i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
