jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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