Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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