trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
