Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
