remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
