I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
