His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
