Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
