i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
