PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
