So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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