the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
