dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
