I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
