hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
