Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
