Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
