Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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