I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
