Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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