he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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