sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
