Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
