Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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