my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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