I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
