i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
