I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
