Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We left the knife in your bed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
