# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
